Pacifiers and Painting

I distinctly remember the first time I gave our daughter a pacifier. It was between the hours of two and three o'clock in the morning, our baby girl only a couple of weeks old. I was holding her, rocking her as she just cried and cried and cried. I too began to cry. She had just nursed, I had changed her diaper and I even gave her some water, nothing I did soothed our baby. There I sat exhausted, tears streaming down my face, lost and no one to turn to, except that tiny jar of pacifiers sitting so peacefully on the shelf.



We had received them as gifts at my baby showers and I had always said that I didn't want her to use a pacifier. My only real reason for not wanting to give her one was because I did not want to go through the process of taking it away.

There as I sat in that rocking chair staring at the jar in agony and I caved. I reached over grabbed one and popped it in her mouth. Then....peace and....quiet. I continued to rock as Madison slipped into a blissful sleep and I continued to cry. I caved. In my moment of weakness I gave in. I had already gone against something that I didn't want to do as a parent and she was only two weeks old. I remember apologizing to Ryan before he left for work that morning. He reassured me that it's alright, he didn't care and if she she liked it, then give it to her.



Now here we are sixteen and a half months later, Madison is still sucking away on the pacifier. When she turned one we limited the pacifier to her only having it at nap time and bedtime. She adjusted well and didn't seem to mind one bit but if she sees one lying around or finds one under her bed in her mouth it goes. She's gotten to the point where she asks for it when she heads off to bed while pointing at the jar that's still sitting on the shelf.



I cringe when I think about taking this small object that soothes her away. She loves it but she doesn't need it anymore. I do not want her to get further attached to it then she already is nor do I want her to have it any longer for fear that if she does it will begin to wreck her teeth. I'm certainly not looking forward to the sleepless nights that will follow as she lies there crying wondering why were not giving her a pacifier.

Friday, April 1st is the day.

Why this day? I have no idea, just a date I picked randomly and seemed like it would be a good day. So, we have six more days of calm peaceful nights then I'm pulling the plug. Literally.



Don't worry, I'll keep you posted on our progress.

Did a little finger painting after dinner tonight. I'll leave you with pictures from our fun. Have a great week and until next time.....

Love........

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.



It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.



Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.



It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.



Love never fails.



These beautiful words were spoken on our wedding day, March 25, 2006. This year Ryan and I are celebrating our 5th year wedding anniversary. As I reflect back to that monumental day, a smile spreads across my face, warmth floods my body and tears of happiness fill my eyes. You know when you have that feeling that something is just right?  You become perfectly content, relaxed and eager for what else lies ahead.



That is exactly how I felt on this day five years ago.



I knew Ryan was the man for me. We had met in middle school, became acquaintances in high school and fell in love in college. Only by this time I had moved to Florida while he remained in Indiana. The long distance was tough but we made it through and after graduation I came back home.

I knew that this is where I needed to be. I had to be close to the one person that got me, understood my wild thoughts, laughed at my child-like behavior, cheered me up when I was down, advised me when I needed direction, listened, provided balance and the one who I loved.



The word love is often thrown around so loosely. We scribbled it on notebooks as we were "so in love" with our boyfriends growing up and I pretty much love everything in Sephora. We love the change of seasons and love having dessert after a delicious meal but when it comes to Ryan and I this isn't a word we just throw around. When the word love is shared between us I know there is true meaning and feeling behind it.



I remember the first time Ryan said he loved me. We had been dating for well over a year and he had come to visit me in Florida. On a whim, we hopped into my Dodge Shadow and drove down to Key West. That night he finally spoke the three words I had been dying to hear. Of course, I felt the love for him long ago but I didn't want to be the one who said it first. I wanted to hear it from him. I'm glad I waited because it made that moment so much more special.

Still to this day, when he speaks these words, I fall back to that night that we shared in the Florida Keys. What we have is special, strong and built on the love and respect we have for one another.



And just when I thought my heart was full, we brought the most beautiful girl in the world into our lives. She has brought us together as parents while completing our family.



I've learned that my heart can never be full.  It just gets bigger.


And now a note to my husband.....

Ryan,

You have been the husband that I always dreamed about, always wished for and hoped I would find. We've shared a lot of memories, laughs, tears and words over the past eleven years during our courtship and marriage. You are my partner. I enjoy being with you and I miss you when we are apart. We've learned how to be parents together and this might be the biggest, most important journey we ever embark on and I couldn't imagine having anyone other than you by my side. You are a kind, gentle, patient husband and father. I hope Madison learns from you what to expect in a husband by observing how you care for me because you set the bar baby. And you've set that bar high. Although I might not always show it, I appreciate you for all you do and all you say. You are and will always be the man of my dreams. Happy Anniversary!

I love you!
Kimberly

Running in to Motherhood

About 5 months ago I signed up for the Indianapolis Mini Marathon, "the mini" as it's been so nicked named in these parts.  Apparently, my mind was a bit clouded as I completed the entry form and submitted funds for this event five months ago.  I'm not quite sure what I was thinking.

The mini is thirteen point one miles of running and/or walking through the streets of Indianapolis.  I actually participated, and completed, all thirteen point one miles about six years ago.  So, as I was agreeing to do this again I thought "Hey, I've done this before I can certainly do it again."  Well, I seemed to have forgotten the fact that I am now six years older, haven't worked out in over two years and I've given birth, which wreaks havoc on your body.  But hey, I've signed up, I've paid my seventy-five bucks, I got new running shoes for Christmas and I am committed. 

I guess my mind got clouded again tonight, this seems to keep happening, because I decided I was going to go on a run.  About twenty minutes and a mile and a half later, I return home convinced that I was having a heart attack.  As I coughed trying to catch my breath Madison kept saying "Bless you."  Yes, bless me, my child, for I need some sort of blessing to get through the mini.  I've got about a month and a half left to train and after the performance I put on tonight, I've got a lot of work to do.

Now, on to something that I am good at.....motherhood.

We had such a nice and relaxing day yesterday.  Just Madison and I.  Playing, reading, loving and doing what we do best.....just being together. One of her favorite seats is my lap, or any lap for that matter, especially when we're reading a book. She stands in front of me, backs her little hiney up and plops down. I love it!



She has recently discovered some blocks that I've had since my nephew was little.  She dumps them out and builds until her little heart is content.





She does pretty well on her own while linking them together only asking us for help every now and again.





She was completely focused on Handy Manny and couldn't peel her eyes away.



Eventually I turned off the T.V. and introduced her to a new activity.....coloring.







I'm pretty sure we have a budding artist on our hands.  She can scribble with the best of them and really seemed to enjoy it.



However, coloring is hard work and all good artists have to take a break every now and again.



So, we have this cat that has been roaming our neighborhood for a while. I'm assuming that someone is feeding it and that is why it is sticking around. Well, Madison has recently discovered this cat. She is frequently goes to the window and knocks while shouting "Cat!"



When she doesn't see the cat she asks "Go?"


When she sees the cat she says "Meow." For the record, the cat has never come to the window nor acknowledged Madison's knocking. Therefore, I'm not quite sure why she decided to knock or how she determined that knocking might get the cat to come out from hiding.


Tonight I'll leave you with some cute tootsies.  Why? (This is the question I can hear my dad asking.)  Because they are freaking cute and they aren't going to be little and cute forever so enjoy!



Love,
-K

Madison Everyday

Click here to view this photo book larger

Pressure and Balance

I've been sitting here staring at this blank screen for the last ten minutes trying to find my voice, deciding what to share about the past week and trying to come up with something the least bit interesting.  I've got nothing.  This mental block could be because it's almost two o'clock in the morning or it could be because this past week I've been trying to teach myself to let go.  I'm trying to learn how to let go of the pressures I put on myself and here I've let go of all the thoughts in my head.  I haven't even taken a single picture this week, apparently I've let go of my camera too.  So I'll share some pictures of our trip to the museum last weekend and any thoughts that happen to pop into this empty head.





As I stated I've been working on letting go.  I've got to learn to relax, stop putting pressure on myself, quit worrying and live in the moment.  Things may seem all happy-go-lucky all the time but behind each and every photo my mind is running a list.....there's laundry that needs to be done, I need to change the sheets on the bed, I need to go to the grocery store, the floors need vacuumed, I need to update the blog, I haven't updated Maddie's actual baby book since she was six months old.  Nonsense.  That is what runs through my head like a constant ticker.







I have to stop.  Who really cares about the towels in the dryer?  I know Maddie doesn't and Ryan is just fine with using them from the dryer and could care less if they are folded neatly and put away in the closet.  I put this pressure on myself that everything has to be neat, tidy and perfect all the time.  If I want to enjoy these precious moments with my daughter and husband, I know that this internal demand isn't realistic. 





I strive to be a perfect daughter, sister, aunt, wife, daughter-in-law and ultimately a perfect mother.  No one, not one person in my life has ever demanded that I be perfect because again that's not realistic, it's all me.  I'm a perfectionist and I'm a people pleaser.  Two traits that I embrace but I'm now learning to balance.



As I find the balance, I know that sometimes things will be messy.....



but in the end it will work out and be for the better. 



There, I've updated the blog, that's one thing I've checked off my list.  Now I've got to go fold those towels in the dryer.  Just kidding....I'm going to bed.  Goodnight.

Before and After

This mama's been playing with some photos and it's been so much fun.  I downloaded a free trial of Photoshop and I think I am in love.  In the beginning I was very overwhelmed and thought there was no way I could ever learn to use this program.  There are so many features, buttons and options.  I've spent several hours tweaking, perfecting and learning how to use the program.  Here are some of my befores and afters:

BEFORE:



AFTER:



BEFORE:



AFTER:



I needed some new pictures so I loaded Maddie up in the car and to the park we went. Yes, the park is close enough to walk which is what we always do but this time we were on a mission. Photos baby. Photos of my baby, baby. Actually I am a little ashamed that I just admitted we drove to the park, I feel so lazy now. We will walk next time, I promise.

Anyway, we had a ball. Maddie walked around and around. Free as a bird but never getting too far away from her Mama. I snapped, snapped, snapped away. Here are some more befores and afters:

BEFORE:



AFTER:



BEFORE:



AFTER:



BEFORE:



AFTER:



BEFORE:



AFTER:



BEFORE:



AFTER:



Until next time, here is a BIG hug coming your way from our little Maddie O.